I did COBOL at college a long, long time ago.

You know what, I'd rather do COBOL than some of the other 'popular' languages right now - at least I wouldn't have to deal with VSC (I'm guessing that it doesn't have a COBOL plugin, though I didn't look...), Kubernetes, deal with the Full Stack Influencer types who swagger around the workplace (no pun intended) drinking iced coffee with non-dairy creamer.

Wouldn't it be pure comedy to offer a solution to a modern day problem in COBOL? I've done it in Fortran, it has so much baggage from people who just don't understand it - a bit like anything useful in the grand game!