Optimising The Office Christmas Party

It’s that time of the year again, but the modus operandi is pretty much the same for any mandatory fun set around tedious calendar events.

“Image generated using OpenAI’s DALL·E.”

Forewarned is forearmed, as they say. Well, at least for 2025 anyway as it’s the 26th of November 2024 when I’m writing this, so I’m guessing that pretty much all of you, especially if you’re software engineers toiling away in the Grand Game of Software Engineering, will have already suffered your perfunctory office “Christmas Party” by this point.

Such is the forward thinking, and laser focus on cost minimisation, of HR departments Grand Game widem that any kind of seasonal get together is:

1. Planned to be literally months in advance of actual Christmas in order to take advantage of any early booking discounts¹ that are available.
   Pretty much everyone else in the venue will be dressed at witches, ghosts, and pumpkins — but don’t let that put you off.
2. Arranged to be on the most awkward day possible.
   Basically, the standard default corporate choice, a Thursday. This either forces people not to drink any alcohol (as they have to go to work on Friday), stay out late (as they have to go to work on Friday), and be surrounded entirely by many other unfortunate poor sods enduring corporate mandatory fun on a Thursday too. Hurrah for you.